2010 Vancouver Olympics: Not Boring! (Part Four)

8) Evgeni Plushenko Knows The Truth

I don't know much about Figure Skating. If judging were up to me, athletes would all be graded on song selection (the girl who skated to the Pirates of the Caribbean theme last night would have won) and number of smiles. It is really a good thing I am not a judge! Still, I'm tuned in enough to generally understand what's going on. I can see the moves. I get that there's a yin and yang balance between grace and innovation; can spot the difference between a skater executing his program with consistency and one looking to "raise the game." I know an American from a Russian program. On the ice, I can tell Evan Lysacek and Evgeni Plushenko apart.

But off the ice is so much easier, because one of them is dark-haired and modest and the other one is TOTALLY CRAZY.

After losing to Lysacek last week, Plushenko told Russian reporters "You can't be considered a true men's champion without a quad," and said his opponent's victory was "not progress, it's a regress...being artistic is not enough because figure skating is a sport, not a show." His comments (even when backed by equally crazy-pants Putin) I can sort of understand -- the sour grapes of it all aside, it sucks to lose to someone you consider to have "played it safe" and performed a tried-and-true routine. I'll be upset if Up beats Fantastic Mr. Fox, too! But then this happened:

Platinum? I thought they only handed out platinum medals at the Narnia Olympics!? Plushenko's agents have since pulled the image from the skater's official website and denied his involvement in its creation, but we at Lifting Fog know the truth: blasted on potato wodka, Plushenko and his entourage (what's "Turtle" in Russian?) hopped on Photoshop and went to town.

Delusion...fake awards...blonde mullets -- welcome to the Lifting Fog Hall of Heroes, Evgeni Plushenko. Za vashe zdorovye!