He Gave Us His iPad So That We Might Have Eternal iLife

I'm on an island right now 2500 miles from the continental United States, where Internet access is conducted via pineapple modem and news of Paul Newman's death has only just reached people's ears, but everyone -- from the lowliest hula dancer to the kingliest pro surfer -- is talking with the fervor of any young urban professional (that's YUPPIE) about Apple's latest God device, the iPad. IT'S HERE! AND WE'RE ALL ABSOLVED OF SIN!

While Apple is no stranger to idolatry, the amount of attention paid to this thing is just sort of staggering. We've spent the morning following Steve Jobs' presentation. Then summarizing all that we've learned. And now, over on Twitter, we're practically convulsing with our need to share those complicated emotions we're feeling.

Some nerds are ecstatic.

Others are skeptical.

Many nerds poke fun at the situation with clever wordplay.

And some nerds are women, too.

As with any very real relationship, sifting through those strange and complex feelings can be a real bear. We've spent the better part of the last month, after all, OBSESSED with our new conquest. Imagining what he or she might be hiding under that slick veneer; wondering if we'd finally found everything we'd been looking for. Now that we've got him or her (is the iPad gender neutral?) in our grasp...well, we sort of don't know what to do next. But you know what? I've got a suggestion:

It will probably be more sobering than an Apple keynote address and most likely feature 100% less black turtleneck and jeans (though what if...), but keeping up with our country's most pressing issues is sort of a civic duty. And hey! -- next year we can watch the thing on our iPads.

Jobs Bless Us All.